Addictions: Part One
by stealyourfood
Summary: It started when you were young. Angst ( i guess), some vulgarities. This is not a happy fic, KonoSetsu does not happen. Rated M for safety (No explicit content)


**This is going to be a series of some sort, if I can bring myself to continue writing this (it's gonna be messy and I'm gonna be sorry). This is my first Negima fic here, and as much as I like KonoSetsu, this will not end with Konoka and Setsuna together. In fact, Setsuna doesn't end with anyone as of yet. This is more of a prologue than anything.**

**AU with no magic, and Setsuna does not save a drowning Konoka**

* * *

**Addictions part 1**

It started when you were young. 4? 5? You were nobody, but when Master took you in, and people started whispering about you being an 'unwanted orphan'. And you learnt to identify yourself with it.

Unwanted.

Orphan.

That was it, that was your identity, until you beat one of the regulars there when you were 7. Then, people started calling you strong. And they started using your name.

Setsuna.

What did that mean anyways? That name had a cutting edge to it. It was soft but full of unreleased danger. Master named you as such, so you accepted it.

* * *

Then you went to school, and people called you 'scary'. You hated it, and didn't understand why everyone was so afraid of you, why they stood an arm's length distance away from you, why your table during break was empty, and why no one called you on their team for sports, leaving you on the grass, sitting with your back hunched and your hand clutching onto your knees painfully.

Master told you that you needed to talk, but you never liked to talk to people. They were scary. And if scary people found you scary, that must mean you're scarier than them.

No one talked to you, not until a girl from Kanto shifted into your school. You were eight, still alone and sitting on the bench during Phys Ed lessons. She was eight, and everyone flocked to her. Why was that so? Was it because she had brown hair, and you had black? Was it because her name – Konoka, radiated warmth and harmlessness, unlike your name? Was it because –was it because of her smile, simply breathtaking and mesmerizing, and bright, and turned her cheeks up and imprinted two cute dimples on her face?

You hated Konoe Konoka anyways. You hated how she sat with a certain grace, how she talked, how she walked, how she laughed, how she would stumble and miss the ball during sports, how she was seated too close to the door while you were at the back, how she had everything, and you had nothing.

* * *

You were 9 and uncertain.

Year three came faster than expected, and you found the shuffling of classes refreshing. Perhaps a change of identity would work. So far,

Loser

Scary

Creepy

Ghost

Sadako

Useless

had stuck themselves to you like glue. You hated all those names, and you hated the names stuck to Konoe. Some were nice, some… not so. While she had friends, she was also bullied.

This time, you made yourself remember who was in your class. A blonde who was proud and spoke like an adult – Yukihiro Ayaka was in your class, and a pair of twins – Fuuka and Fumika sat somewhere behind you. This time, you were in the middle of the class, and Konoe was at the back.

She spoke to you on the first day, which was only logical, seeing as the both of you were the only ones in the class with good enough grades to get sorted into the best class.

She introduced herself, and apologized for not talking to you in year 2. You simply nodded, but she had clung to you that day on, and you hated it. You never spoke much around her, but she called you her 'best friend'.

Best Friend.

That was the first positive name you ever got. You were Konoe's best friend, and slowly, you became other people's friend.

Halfway through the year, an orange haired girl with eyes of two different colour stepped into the class, and you could hear all the names sticking to her.

She was Asuna, and she would be one of your closest friends. But not now. Now, she was Ayaka's enemy, and class clown. With her terrible results, it was a miracle she stayed in the class for three more years.

The three years had given you time to talk more to others at a comfortable pace. Some understood that you didn't talk much. Some didn't.

Mysterious

Cool

Were added to your list of names.

Set-chan

Was also one of them, and that name made Setsuna less intimidating. It had been embarrassing, but the way Konoe said that made you feel strange, a tug somewhere below your chest. She had never stopped linking her arm with yours, and you learnt to accept it. People laughed at the both of you.

But you liked Konoka anyways. She was the first one to acknowledge your presence in a good way, and the first one to pick you for sports. She was the first one to make you feel … happy? She was the first one to talk to you. She was your first friend.

She had everything, but you had her.

* * *

Thirteen was a tough age. Your growth spurt had started, and Master had made a fuss with your clothes. The middle school you were admitted to had a dormitory, and since you entered on a scholarship, you were required to stay there. For the first time in 9 years, you no longer returned to the dojo after school. Master was reluctant, threatening to kidnap you if you didn't write to her.

You ended up in class 1-A, where you were told by some old teacher (Takahata, if you remembered correctly) that you would be staying with the class for all three years. Thankfully, Asuna, Ayaka, and Konoka had accompanied you. The twins Fuuka and Fumika were also in the same class. The good thing about an all-girls school meant that no guy would steal Konoka away.

You had realized that with a shock, and wondered if you liked Konoka more than a friend should.

The second shock was that Konoka's grandfather was the principal of this school, and Konoka's father ran Kansai MA company, some manufacturing company. Konoka was to take over the company, or rather, marry someone worthy to inherit the company one day. She was called away on one of the Saturdays, leaving you alone in your dorm, wondering what to do.

She had returned with a grimace, recounting her terrible first date. You asked if that was the only date she was going to. No, she said, an apologetic tone. Most of her afternoons were never going to be free.

Seeing as you needed something to kill time, you joined the Kendo club, and there was a senior in there who took a liking to you. Tsukiyomi-senpai was terrifying, to say the least.

Cute

She called you. You were far from cute and didn't understand what that meant.

She had a preoccupation with you, following you everywhere you went, which got on your nerves. Konoka seemed disturbed by that as well, and you felt a surge of joy everytime she frowned and pulled you closer when Tsukiyomi was around.

You should have felt guilty when you saw the despair on Tsukiyomi's face, but you didn't.

Heartbreaker

Tsukiyomi-senpai laughed, a tear escaping at the same time. She repeated the word over and over again before walking away during the last day of school. She graduated, and you never saw her again.

Konoka was free for a week, but that was all. You soon found out that her next two years were fully booked, and devoted your time to Kendo. Master had taught you well, and you became

Kendo Captain

Strong

Like it mattered.

You had a crush on Konoka Konoe. You loved how she sat with a certain grace, how she talked, how she walked, how she laughed, how she would stumble and miss the ball during sports, how she was seated beside you for most of your lessons.

She had omiais.

You had Kendo.

* * *

You were fifteen, and wasting your time hiding your feelings.

"I think I'm gay." You had blurted out to Asuna, in the middle of one of your illegal drinking sessions. She had choked on her beer, coughing and sputtering, before facing you.

"M-me too."

You guys didn't hook up or anything. That would have been gross. As far as it was concerned, you two were like siblings. She liked Ayaka, and you liked Konoka.

Ayaka was smitten with the relief teacher, some guy (Nugi? Nego? Ahh, heck) from England or Wales or something like that.

Konoka was constanly on omiais, as expected of someone who belonged to the Kansai MA company. It was a disappointment when you realized she had to sit through countless blind dates her gramps set up for her. You hated the old man but he sponsored your scholarship. Master would be angry if you were expelled.

But she was still your friend, your crush, and you still liked her.

You liked Konoka Konoe anyways, regardless of how much less you saw each other. She had blind dates and you had Kendo. She had Science, and you had Literature. She had lunch dates with other classmates twice a week, and you ate with Asuna then.

She had countless suitors.

You had Asuna, Ayaka, and her. Or did you?

* * *

Summer vacation came, and Ayaka hosted a large party for those in 3-A. Konoka went, asking you along, and you did. Someone snuck in sake, and half the class ended up knocking themselves out, idiots, all of them, for drinking so much for their first time. Konoka was slightly tipsy, and you brought her to the room you two shared. Asuna was carrying Ayaka who was rambling incoherently. Knowing the orange haired girl, she was no threat, and would not do anything to Ayaka.

Konoka was still awake, and had decided to talk to you. She wasn't fully sober, so you didn't see a problem in discussing your sexuality.

"Oh, Set-chan, you shouldn't label yourself." She said, and you didn't understand it.

You were

Gay

Dyke

Lezzy

Les

Unnatural

And it defined who you were. Just like the previous names all thrust upon you. In her drunken state, she had kissed you, and it was amazing.

The next morning wasn't.

"It was a mistake. I'm sorry."

She had returned to her normal life, and left you hanging.

Still, you loved her. You love how both your lips had met recklessly, crashing and scraping and biting. You loved how her hands clung to the back of your head, pushing you towards her. You loved how she nuzzled into your shoulder as you cuddled to sleep.

She had a life to return to. She had countless suitors to return to.

You had an apology and a broken heart.

* * *

Sweet Sixteen, but there was nothing really sweet about it. Bitter seemed to suit you more.

Summer was over, and autumn arrived, bringing in the new school year. Summer's heat had left, but the new student was hot. Hot enough to make you loosen your tie, and damn, she had noticed it.

"My name is Evangeline A.K. McDowell." She had announced, her haughty personality rivaling Ayaka. Her blonde hair was the same shade as the class president too, but that was where their similarities ended.

While Ayaka was loud and constantly organizing events, Evangeline was quiet and withdrawn, keeping to herself at the corner of the classroom.

While Ayaka gushed over the return of Negi-sensei (who was 4 years older than you), Evangeline had snorted, and kept a constant expression of disgust.

While Ayaka fought with Asuna, you glanced over at Evangeline, only to realize she had always been staring at you.

Still, you liked Konoka. She was your first and best friend, and also your crush.

She was busier than ever, sitting at the front of the class. High school had brought along maturity to her, and she was no longer the overly-cheerful girl, opting to maintain a smile at her seat instead. She never really looked for you anymore.

But you still like her.

You always did, and it was driving you crazy. You threw away all your labels. She was the one who told you to stop labeling yourself after all. You wondered if you could still find youself.

Konoka had your heart, your first kiss, and your sanity.

You had nothing.

* * *

You were Twenty, jobless, and struggling with college.

It just happened, one day.

High school was over, and you had kept in touch with everyone – Konoka, Asuna, Ayaka, Evangeline, the lot of them.

Asuna had rented an apartment with you. It was small, cosy, and warm. It wasn't the best, but it was home. She had returned late, her clothes ruffled and wrinkled, a dark look on her face.

"Setsuna…" she waited for your attention.

"I slept with Konoka."

You had whacked her with your fists, watching her stand motionlessly. She knew.

She knew that you were madly in love with Konoka. She knew how you had ignored Evangeline because you still wanted Konoka. You were serious about her. You wanted a relationship, and even that day when Konoka was drunk, you did not take advantage of her. And yet here your best friend of 11 years was, standing in front of you after shagging your first love.

"I wanted her, and you just took her for a simple fuck?! I knew you had been fucking around with many people after Ayaka rejected you, but Konoka?"

You watched as shame, anger, and betrayal flashed in her heterochromatic eyes, but before she could do anything, you packed whatever you could, and left your shared apartment of two years.

All the labels started to come back in full force

**Loser**

**Creep**

**Gross**

**Dyke**

**Useless**

**Failure**

**Weak**

**Orphan**

**Unloved**

**Unwanted**

**Cool**

**Cute**

**Weird**

**Loner**

**Sucker**

**Whore**

**Lezzy**

**Unnatural**

**Freak**

**Best friend**

Oh how the last one hurt. That was all you'd ever be. Best friend. Were you even still a friend to Konoka? No, not after she got married after graduation. Not after middle school. Not after that stupid kiss.

You stumble to a random pub (Blame it on Asuna's drinking habit), and find yourself sitting at the bar. You order a drink but can't remember what it is.

Two drinks later (you think), you order one more. Whatever it is, it's pretty strong, and it's helping you.

"It's ruining you."

That haughty voice. You turn around to see blonde, and green eyes you won't forget.

"Evangelineeeee!" You sound like shit.

"Yes, Sakurazaki, it is me. Let's get you out of here, you're clearly wasted." She turns to the bartender. "I'll pay for her."

She loops an arm around you, and you stagger off your seat and into the streets.

People stare, but Evangeline yells at them.

"Where do you stay?"

"With Azunaa, that biiitch. Fucking slept with K'noka she did."

She sighs and hails a taxi.

"You're coming with me."

You sigh as well, and she sniffs in disgust at your breath.

"How long have you been drinking?"

You look up at her, your eyes stinging. You remember Master telling you a story about you, before you were picked up by her. You were fed something as a baby because you wouldn't shut up.

"Since I was born."

* * *

**Eyy that's kinda it. It was supposed to be a one shot about Setsuna's obsession with labeling herself but it spiraled out of control, as it usually always does with more of my fics. I'm sorry it was kinda shit, and it's currently 2.36 a.m. and I wonder how I managed to poop this out.**

**This will probably be a series thing if all goes well.**

**Anyways, reviews, feedback, and suggestions are welcome, and will be greatly appreciated.**


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